On My Way To Happiness
by cloudyWingless
Summary: Roxas and Ventus are twins and their parents died when they were seven. The boy's had to move in with their Uncle's and cousin and their lives change. As the twins grow up they have their ups and downs but they will always meet back in the middle, but not this time... WARNING: slight rape, AkuRoku TerraVen SoRiku
1. Chapter 1

All alone… The world is so big yet I am so small. My parents left a pair of eight year old twins behind in the accident. Yet we do have a family that lives in South Carolina that we orphaned twins must go. Nobody would want us.

Now here we are packing our stuff in our matching blue suitcases and duffle bags. I had folded my favorite blue T-shirt which was the last article of clothing I had to pack. I'm off to getting the belongings I really want. I grabbed my stuff off of my bed like my favorite cat beanie baby named Scat. I've had her since I was a baby.

I looked over at my twin brother to see him wiping away salty tears from his big blue eyes and snot from his runny nose. He shoved his stuff in his bag messily. He got up from his spot on his bed and stumbled into the bathroom. I slowly got up from my spot on the purple carpet of our room and walked over to the bathroom. My hands shook nervously as I knocked on the door.

"Ven, are you ok?" I asked as I heard the sobbing stop.

"I-I'm fine," I heard it in his voice that he was holding back tears.

"Are you sure? Do you want me to come in?" I asked.

"I said I'm fine and just because we're twins doesn't mean we have to pee together," he replied.

"Ok," I said as I began to walk back to our room when I stopped and stared at our parent's room. I slowly walked over and opened the white door. I looked around to see a family photo of us. Mom was holding me and Dad was holding Ventus. Then something caught my eye; a necklace. It was a weird symbol, like a cross, but it's shiny and silver. I was intrigued by it so I picked it up and shoved it in my pocket along with the photo but the frame wouldn't fit. Then I yanked open their closet and saw my mom's dressed. Then I grabbed my Dad's hoodies and slung it over my small shoulder.

I walked out of the room back to mine and shoved the stuff into my bag. Ven's sobbing was the only thing I heard. He was shuffling back into our room. His eyes were puffy and his face was red. My twin plopped onto his bare bed curling up in a ball and continued to cry. I sat down next to him and began to rub his back softly.

"Shh, its ok Ven. We'll be ok." I hushed him. The small boy trembled under my touch. His small hands clung to my blue shirt and buried his face in my stomach. He wrapped his pudgy arms around my abdomen as he continued to cry staining my shirt.

"Why? Why did mommy and daddy have to leave us?" Ven asked. His voice was muffled by my shirt since his face was pressed against it.

"I don't know," I replied to my twin as I began to rock him back and forth.

Later that day the neighbors escorted us to the airport where we boarded a plane to South Carolina. I hated planes and I wanted to get off yet I wanted to stay. The flight felt like months going by; agonizing months. So I drifted off into a dreamless slumber.

"Rox, we're here," Ven said waking me up with his voice and softly shaking me.

The flight attendant had to help us off since we were too young. Ventus and I grabbed our bags and looked for a sign with our names on it. I felt Ven's hand searching for mine. I reached out and our fingers intertwined as we searched. It was like finding the needle in the hay stack only it was find the sign in the people stack.

Ventus suddenly jerked on my hand yanking me around. He began to drag me along with him to God knows where.

"Ven, where are we going?" I yelled.

"I found them," he replied. I looked up from the ground to see a sign with our names on it.

"Are you two my nephews?" a tall blond man asked.

"Depends, are you my uncle?" I snapped at him. The man just laughed and messed up my blond spikes, which are natural!

"Haha, you two are so cute!" He smiled as the man holding the sign took our bags, "I'm your Uncle Cloud and he's your Uncle Leon."

"Well I'm Roxas and he's Ventus," I said. Ven squeezed my hand and trembled slightly. "Ven, don't you want to say hi to the people that we're forced to live with?" I smiled a little.

"I don't want to talk to them, or anyone but you," my twin whispered in my ear. My hearts sank a little as I squeezed his hand telling him I understand.

Try to guess who the older twin is… No, it's not me. Ventus is older than me by fifteen minutes. My mom actually didn't know about me because Ven was so big. The way to tell us apart is Ven is a little chubbier than me because he took all the food when we were in my mom's belly. Yet I know that will change once we grow more. The thing is I act more like an older brother. My mom told me that I am maturing faster than my brother which doesn't bother me.

Cloud took us to his black minivan to go to our new home. The car ride was pretty silent. Ven just looked out the window the entire time. He is beginning to worry me since usually the boy never stops talking. Even when he lost his voice he never stopped talking. Now that I look at him so silent it makes me feel uncomfortable and weird.

The car came to a halt at an average looking white house. My new home. I'm still processing the fact that my parents are dead, next I need to process that I'm living with my gay uncle in South Carolina, Myrtle Beach. This is too much for an eight year old to take! I guess Ventus just needs to process everything and he'll be fine. I hope…

I opened the door to see a brunette boy about my age sitting on a black couch. He must be my cousin.

The boy was smiling at me as he hopped out of his seat and hugged me.

"Hi, I'm Sora and I guess I'm your cousin!" he smiled. This boy was _way_ too happy, but I guess he's alright. He seems like a friendly boy.

Next Cloud showed Ven and me our room. It was Sora's room but there was another drawer and bunk beds. I got the bottom. My twin and I unpacked and as time passed Ven began talking to our new family.

When I say 'time passed' I mean years.

Years passed and I have a nice little group of friends. I also learned how to skateboard and that's what my friends and I do. We're in high school now and I was right, Ven is about as thin as me as we grew. I usually wear my dad's sweatshirt that I took and the necklace that I took too.

"Yo Rox," I heard my best friend, Hayner say. He gave me our favorite sea salt ice cream that we all ate at the beach.

We are like a small gang, well we are. Yet there is this other gang that joined us because of me. I'm in a bad relationship with this gang leader named Seifer. He always hits me and beats me and calls me names, but I have no one that loves me. I just want someone to hold me and kiss me. Seifer is the closest thing I got.

"Roxas where did you get that bruise from?" my brunette friend asked as she pointed to the painful black and blue on my arm.

"I-I fell," I quickly replied covering the wound from my abusive boyfriend.

"Somehow I don't believe that," the chubby one next to her said, "It looks more like you got into a fight." Damn you Pence. He is the smarter on out of us, but he is very laid back.

"It's nothing, really," I said as I took the popsicle stick out of my mouth since I finish my ice cream fast.

I really want to tell them about what Seifer does to me but my 'boyfriend; threatens me. He says that if I tell anyone or break up with him, he will hurt me and everyone close to me.

It's Roxas abuse!

"Listen guys, I got to go, I'm meeting up with Seifer today," getting up I ran away with the fear of my friends seeing my tears. Seifer and I usually meet up in an alley.

I walked closer to the alley. Fear filled my entire being almost paralyzing me on the spot. I felt like my heart was about to pound out of my small chest.

"Hey Roxy," his voice made me jump and his breath stank from alcohol, "Come on, I'm not mad at you."

I felt his fingers trail down my arm then back up to my shoulder. I cringed a bit when he started to caress my cheek. Then his hands went up my shirt and rubbed my soft back. My crystal eyes widened as one hand went down my pants. I jumped away from him but the dirty blond pulled me closer. Before I know it I was stripped from my warm clothes and shoved against the brick wall. I know he was naked too. Tears leaked from my eyes as pain shot up my spin and left it tingling. My necklace clinked against the wall as my body was thrust forward. My head pounded and hands shook just like the rest of my body. I knew he was in me, hurting me as I tried to scream, but nothing came out. Sadly, this wasn't the first time I was raped.

I felt fists hit my spine and his nails digging into my soft skin. I closed my eyes hoping this would be all over soon.

Suddenly I saw stars and everything was over as he smashed my head onto the cold wall. Then I blacked out.

(line)

Authors Note: ok.. so yeah, this is it! There will be more chapters on the way

I don't own Kingdom Hearts


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh my God, Roxas are you ok?! Wake up!" I heard my petite brunette friend ask. She held me in her arms as she signaled the other two to come over to her.

I opened my eyes wishing I hadn't. Hayner grabbed my dad's hoodie and covered my bruised and bare body. Pence dialed my home. Olette; my brunette friend, gently dabbed my bloody forehead with her sleeve.

"What happened to you?" she whispered to herself failing to notice I woke up. She looked down at me then panicked a bit. "You must be in pain, just go back to sleep," she said pushing some of my blond locks out of my face.

Olette was like my mother. She's always looking out for me and telling me what's right and wrong. She actually grounded me once. She always tells me that one day she wants a son just like me. She doesn't, I'm terrible.

"I called your Uncle, he's on his way," Pence said as he knelt down beside me, "Now tell me what happened."

I opened my mouth but no words came out. The trauma I had just experienced had to be a dream. I'm praying for it to all be a dream.

In a matter of minutes my blond uncle came. He pulled my dirty blond friend aside and talked with his a bit. Olette had pulled he head onto her lap and ran her fingers through my dirty sticky hair.

Once the two were done talking they lifted my broken body and carried me into the car. After that I blacked out.

When I came to, I was lying on the black couch, clean, and in my checkered lounge pants and loose white T-shirt I usually wore to bed. My head is pounding and my ass hurts like crazy! I guess it wasn't a dream like I hoped.

"Roxas are you ok?" the sound of Cloud's voice startled me. He helped me into a seated position. My blue eyes looked at everyone around me, their faced filled with joy yet concern, most likely for my wellbeing.

"What happened?" Cloud asked. My eyes filled with tears as I leaped into his arms.

"I can't tell you," I replied. Hayner yanked me out of the 'safety' of my uncle's arms.

"What do you mean?! You always came to us with cute and cruises all over you and now we found you bloody and naked in an alley! The same alley that you meet Seifer in," my friends friend yelled as he shook me violently, "What the fuck is going on?!"

"Hayner!" Olette yelled at him to drop me. She walked over to me and stroked me cheek. "Roxas, we just want to help you because we love you."

"B-but I can't, he threatened me," I said as I plopped back down on the couch. I just basically gave it away so I'll tell them anyway.

"Just tell us, we're strong," Sora smiled flexing his noodle arm as a joke. The boy couldn't hit a fly.

"Fine," I sighed, "Seifer abuses me. Today he raped me."

"Break up with him," Pence said quickly. Ventus sat down next to me and rubbed my hurt back.

"He threatened me that if I ever break up with him or tell anyone what he does, he will hurt me and you guys. I-I can't let that happen," I said as I held back my tears.

"We'll be fine, just break up with him. We'll be there to help you," Olette said.

After a while they talked me into breaking up with Seifer. I'm going to die. He'll kill me. Well, at least I'll see my parents again, but my parents went to heaven and I'll go to hell for all the dirty and shitty things I've done. So I walked back to the alley

"Seifer, I'm breaking up with you," I said quickly. I saw his anger explode inside of him.

"What?" he asked irritated.

"You heard me," I replied.

Seifer's eye twitched. The dirty blond pushed me against the wall. I closed my blue eyes tight expecting to feel the worst pain coursing through me veins. I heard screaming, but not mine for once. I opened my eyes to see another boy beating up my abusive ex-boyfriend. His long red hair was tied back in a low ponytail and beads of sweat rolled down his forehead.

I don't know if I should be happy because Seifer won't hit me, or scared that this mysterious boy is beating up the top gangster in all of South Carolina. This boy could snap my like a tooth pick.

He walked towards me. His eyes were this amazing color! It looked as if he got two polished emeralds and put them in his eyes. He also looks way too thin! Yet he was so strong.

He held his hand out to help me to my feet. I grabbed the warm hand which sent electricity through my arm. He helped me up then ran away. Yet my hand is still tingling from his touch, and not like the painful tingle that Seifer gave me. It feels nice.

The whole walk home I kept looking at my hand since the feeling of his touch hasn't gone away. I wonder who he is since he did save my life. I want to see him again so I can thank him properly. Yet who ever said I was proper?

I opened the white door to my house and slipped out of the checkered shoes. My twin was sprawled out on the couch asleep. The remote was falling out of his pale hand and a blue blanket was rolled up on his abdomen. He looked so happy asleep. Ven hasn't been in the best condition after our parents died. He never really smiles anymore and never speaks in public. He only speaks two sentences to our uncles and Sora every day. I feel like if I ever died Ven would be lost and possibly kill himself since he feels like I am the last bit of family left; that I am the only one who understands him and is there to comfort him. I love my brother to pieces and I just want to see him smile again.

"Nn… Roxas?" Ven mumbled as he began to wake up.

"Yeah?" I said as I walked towards him.

"How did it go?" he asked a little drowsy since his voice had a little softness to it.

"Fine, someone saved me from Seifer's wrath," I smiled.

"Who?" he asked.

"I have no idea," I replied as I sat down at the edge if the couch by his chest. My brother closed his eyes again to go back to sleep. I looked down at him with a smirk seeing the soft smile plastered on his pale face.

I envy him, he is just so innocent and my innocence was robbed from me a long time ago.

I ran upstairs and fell asleep in my room. I had a dream about that boy. He was smiling at me. He began to hold me in his arms then stroke my hair. Or was it Ven? I really hope it's me. I am into his mystery, but he probably won't go for a slut like me.

Seifer wasn't the first one to take me. When I was ten I protected Ventus from these bullies by telling them I was him since we are identical. They basically held me down and took me.

Then when I was thirteen I felt very lonely. I thought I loved Seifer so we began to spend time together. I was desperate for love so I gave myself to him willingly. Yeah, I know I'm a slut, but I never had sex up until he raped me. Now I can feel slutty again and go through me 'I'm-a-whore-let-me-sell-my-body-on-the-street-and-cut-myself' phase. That happened throughout my first year as a true teenager. I tried to sell my body but my Uncle Leon found out and sent me to a therapist. Then I went through me 'emo-bitch' phase. It stopped shortly after Ven started to cry because I was cutting myself.

My point is now I'm a slut again; or I feel like one.

I woke up to Sora yelling, "Roxas get your lazy ass up!" He's not a morning person.

"Coming!" I yelled back as I slowly got out of bed.

I walked into the bathroom and brushed my dull teeth and washed me face. I changed the bandage on my forehead from Seifer slamming my head into a brick wall.

I trudged back into my room to get changed. I peeled off my white tank top and examined my body in the mirror. My chest has small bruises on it that I try to cover up. I touched the mirror and starred at my ugly reflection. Most people see themselves, I see a slutty ugly blond me with scars and blood streaming down my wrists.

Mom, where are you when I need you the most?

I tore my eyes away from the mirror and got my favorite blue T-shirt and my dad's hoodie. I walked downstairs and my family began to laugh. I stared at them with confusion.

"Rox, pants," Ven chuckled. I looked down and blushed seeing that I am still in my black boxers. Well, at least I didn't fall down the stairs this morning like I usually do.

I pulled on black cargo pants and unzipped the hoodie showing my tight blue shirt. Now I can go to school.

I was with my friends until I saw a glimpse of that red haired boy. I dashed past my friends trying to catch up with him. Then he started to run at the sight of me.

I ran faster than I thought I could. He ran all around the school and at some points he stopped quickly to look back at me with a taunting smirk as if we were playing a game. He's just playing with me! That bastard…

"Wait," I breathed as I gave up and leaned against the cold hard wall of the school.

The red head noticed I stopped running and began to walk towards me. He stood there at a respectable distance just smirking. This boy has to be anorexic or bulimic because he is inhumanly thing! His skin is a pale white, almost see through. Ok, my new theory is he is a vampire who's going to suck me blood until I'm a prune! So I'm dead!

"Who are you?" I asked. He stared at me blankly. "Ok, then why did you save me?" I asked. He still stared at me as if he was a deer in head lights.

"I saved you because you are the most helpless looking boy I've ever seen," he said with his smooth voice, "And I've had a bone to pick with Seifer." That jerk, I am not helpless!

"Whatever, but thanks for saving me. I'm Roxas by the way," I huffed shoving mu hands into my pockets. A slight blush spread across my cheeks.

"I'm Axel. Got it memorized?" he said. I smiled as fake smile until he hit my blond spikes lightly. "Oh and if you're going to smile, make it real. Catch you around," and with that he was off. He's so weird. Ha, like I'm one to talk.

(line)

Authors Note: This will update almost every day because I write this story in school, I just need to separate some stuff and edit it a bit..

I don't own Kingdom Hearts


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of my day was boring. I wrote an essay in English and got a 100% on my test. Nothing new. I walked home with Ven who was acting abnormally. He was blushing more and couldn't take his eyes off of a note in his hands.

"What's that?" I asked slyly with a smirk on my face as I leaned over to him.

"N-Nothing!" he yelled as his face turned as red as a tomato. He also smashed the note against his chest trying to hide it from me. I laughed a little at him as he shoved it in his pocket.

"Sure," I teased him.

Ventus began to debate with himself. I knew he wanted to show me the note, but he doesn't. I'm not worried about the note because he was blushing and his blue eyes had a dreamy tint to it, not fear. It can't be a threat.

"Fine," he said in defeat as he handed me the crumpled note. We got home and I ran into the bathroom and locked myself in there so I could read this note in peace.

'**Dear Ventus,**

**I've seen you around a lot. You just seem so shy that I can't confront you in person. So I wrote this note for you. Also I might get lost in your stunning blue eyes and forget my words.**

**I've seen you around school and I think that you are amazing. I really like you and I have for a long time. You are just so cute! Trust me, I'm not mixing you up with your brother, Roxas. You are much more docile and shy. And cute. I'd love to meet up with you one day, but not soon. For now I'll just keep sending you notes (and text messages). I want to see you.**

**Love,**

**Your secret admirer**

**PS: I am male'**

Wow… That's deep; and weird! Ven has a secret admirer! Holy shit! He had a better love-life than me; and he doesn't even have a love life! Ugh!

I walked out of the bathroom only to be tackled by Ven. He was mad. Ven tried to ripe the note out of my hands.

"So Ven, are you going to get a boyfriend?" I teased him as I raised one eyebrow.

"I have no idea who he is," Ven blushed as he held the note close to his heart, "I figured that if I wait long enough then he'll tell me who he is."

"Don't worry big brother, I'll be here to help you," I smiled. He looked at me with teary eyes and a big smile.

"So, you'll help me?"

"Yeah, I want to make sure you have a good relationship unlike me."

Ventus smiled and I laughed. We went back to the table and did our homework, but all I can think of is Axel. Axel… that name gives me chills. God, I need a life.

After three hours of soul sucking homework, Ven and I watched a movie. It was called We Bought a Zoo, based on a true story. The mother died, shocker (Haha not really, its sarcasm kiddies). Sora and my Uncles came home in this time period. They decided to join us and they are THOSE people. They always talk throughout the movie and say spoilers if they've seen it already.

"So, how was your day?" Cloud asked us at the dinner table scooping some vegetables and plopping them in our plates.

"Fine," Sora and I mumbled and Ven just nodded.

"Did Seifer give you any trouble?" my blond uncle asked.

"No," I replied shoving a fork full of mashed potatoes in my mouth.

"Oh, I'm going on a date with Riku tomorrow," Sora smiled.

"Be careful," I mumbled thinking of Seifer. I've suddenly lost my appetite. I feel like I'm going to throw up as I thought of what he did to me the other day. I began to shake in my seat. "I'm done," I said as I stood up and ran to my room.

I picked up my book and lay down on my bed. I opened up to page 25, which was where I left off on, in the book Gone With The Wind. I know I'm not the type to read a lot but I do. It's weird, I know.

Cloud barged into my room and looked at me. "Roxas, what's wrong?" he asked as he sat down next to me.

"Nothing," I mumbled. He knew the answer; he just wanted to hear me say it.

"Come on, you can tell me,"

"Fine," I sighed, "I'm still upset about what Seifer did to me. There was a boy who saved me when I broke up with Seifer. His name is Axel and I really like him. When I say 'like' I mean he's cool!"

"Oh, well be his friend and you'll get over the Seifer thing, trust me. I've had a similar experience as you," Cloud said.

"What?!" I said, I never knew, "Who? When? Where?"

"Curiosity killed the cat," Cloud smiled.

"Satisfaction brought him back," I replied as we laughed.

"Fine, fine, I'll tell you," Cloud smiled, "I was about your age, 15, and I was walking home alone from the movies when I got jumped by a group of Seniors. Well… you know the rest. Then I met Leon and he helped me get over it and forget. The funny thing is he saved me. Not just from those boys, but from making stupid decisions." My eyes widened hearing this coming out of my happy-go-lucky uncle.

"So, you know how I feel?" I asked stupidly. Cloud nodded and smiled. "But how can you still truly smile?" I asked. He just laughed and messed up my blond spikes.

"It's simple," he said, "I found what makes me happy."

"What makes you happy?" I asked.

"If I tell you then you'll go looking for it. It needs to find you," Cloud said as he kissed me head and got up to leave, "Stay Golden, Roxas."

What does he mean by 'it has to find me'?! And what the hell does 'stay golden' mean?! Well all know is I need to find my happiness. Whatever that is I need to find it.

(line)

Authors Note: Ok so here is another short chapter. Just saying I would like some reviews please!

I don't own Kingdom Hearts


	4. Chapter 4

I picked up the blank canvas and put it on the isle in front of me. Oh, I also paint. My brush met the canvas and started to paint whatever it wants. I opened up my heart and painted for hours. I ended up painting him… Axel. Why can't I get him out of my head? Is he my happiness? Nah, it can't be… Can it? Ugh, my mind and heart are having an internal war giving me a headache.

Once everyone was asleep, at like 2 am, I slipped into the bathroom. I wasn't going to cut myself; I just wanted to draw since I have my sketchbook in my hands. I put down the toilet seat and sat with my legs crossed on top of it with the sketchbook on my lap open to a blank page. I'm an amazing artist but I don't want to admit it. My mom used to be an artist. She drew portraits of me and Ven but made our differences stand out to show how different we are. Damn I miss her.

My pencil met the white paper sketching out a drawing of my desire. I drew my mother, or what I remember of her. She had a beautiful clear face with a pair of greyish blue eyes. She had long golden hair with a slight curl at the bottom. Cloud is her older brother. My mom sometimes dressed Ven and me up in frilly dresses; but we were too young to understand.

My mom always wore a smile. She let me into her art studio once and let me paint with any part of my small body. I used my hands and feet.

(Flashback)

"_Ok Roxy, are you ready to have fun?" my mom smiled as she lifted up her five your old son (me). I shook my head trying to squirm out of her grasp. My mom dragged me into the white building that looks like a rec room. The room was filled with other adults at their isles. They all looked up as they heard the door close and mumbled 'hi' to my mom. She walked past a few artists until she got to her spot next to her best friends, Ava and Mary._

_She put a blank canvas on the wooden isle and slipped into her paint stained smock. She sat down on the black stool and picked up some paints._

"_Alice, is that your son?" Ava asked as she smiled. She tied her yellow bandana around her dirty blond short hair. Ava looked at me and waved. She scared me so I climbed into my mother's lap and hid my face in her neck._

"_Yup, this is one of them. He is the younger twin. His name is Roxas," my mom smiled as she soothingly stroked my soft blond spikes._

"_Aw! How old is he now?" Ava asked as she began to paint._

"_Five, he has grown so much," my mom smiled as they laughed._

"_I remember when he was just a baby. Man time flies," Mary said._

_I heard my mom's heartbeat. It was like a lullaby that calmed my nerves and let me drift off into a sweet sleep. I felt myself fall asleep safely in my mother's arms. She is the only one that makes me feel safe._

"_Roxy, do you want to paint something?" my mom asked in a soft voice. She uses that voice to wake me up usually._

"_Sure," I yawned. My mom places a kiss on my forehead and put my on the floor. She placed a big piece of crisp white paper and bowls of different color paints. She slipped off my shoes and socks and placed them on the side. _

"_Ok honey, you can paint with any part of your body. Just don't make too big of a mess," my mom winked as she went back to her seat._

_I looked at the paper for a while. I dipped my finger in the cold blue paint then ran it across the paper leaving a blue streak. I did it again except with the red, then green, then orange. I put my whole hand in the yellow and slapped the paper splattering the paint all over the paper. Then I dunked my other hand in the purple and did the same thing. I smeared the paint with both of my hands all over the paper. Then I dipped my small foot in the red paint and stepped on the paper then sat. Soon both of my feet and hands were slapping against the pain covered paper. Hours past and I was covered in paint._

"_Roxas, you're a mess!" I heard Mary exclaim. My mom just laughed._

"_You see a mess, I see a master piece," my mom smiled as she bent down and kissed my head._

(flashback over)

I sighed as I closed my sketchbook and walked back to my room. I snuck in quietly so Ven and Sora didn't hear me. I noticed that Ven was on his phone texting someone who was making him giggle slightly. His smile warmed my icy heart. That beautiful smile that had been hidden for so long.

I climbed into my bed and let my mind wonder. I can't stop thinking about Axel. I wonder if he is my happiness that Uncle Cloud was talking about. My heart needs to mend from lack of love and my happiness will help. Ugh… why is life so complicated? Why can't I live with my parents, and have a great boyfriend, and live a normal life? Why can't my heart mend and return to its pure state like when I was little?

I woke up the next morning snuggling my sketchbook and Scat. Ven shook me gently smiling and handing me my clothes. I took the clothes and began to change. I'm not that self-conscious around my twin because I've known him since before I was born. We've shared everything together. Well not everything. Who was he texting last night? I'm going to find out.

"Hey Ven, can I see your phone?" I asked.

"Why?" my brother asked cautiously.

"I need to call Hayner, privately," I said. Ven sighed and handed me his phone then walked out of the room. I clicked on his messages and saw a conversation from 'Anonymous'. It said:

**Anon: So u got my note?**

**Me: Who r u?**

**Anon: Ur secret admirer ;)**

**Me: O… I've wondered who u r. Wait how did u get my number?**

**Anon: I have sources. Anyway meet me tomorrow in the school garden. I want to see ur smiling face and stunning eyes.**

**Me: / k**

**Anon: I can't wait to see u blush for real**

**Me: I can't wait to find out who has been sending me notes.**

**Anon: I hope u'll love me like I love u**

**Me: I already do**

**Anon: Good**

**Me: I g2g. I need some sleep**

**Anon: K**

**(end of conversation)**

Oh… My… God! What if this guy is a pervert wanting to hurt my brother?! Or he's going to kidnap him and torture him?! I worry too much. Yet being the brother I am, I will spy on him to make sure he is safe.

So we got to school and I noticed my twin dash to where the garden is. I began to follow him when I ran into my best friends.

"Hey Rox, what's the hurry?" Hayner asked.

"Ven is going to meet this guy and I'm going to spy on him. Do you want to join me?" I asked. There was a short lived silence. Hayner nodded and so did Pence but unlike them Olette had a conscious. She eventually nodded making us take off to the garden where we cleverly hid in the lush green bushes.

There was a man sitting on the bench in front of us next to Ven. Lucky for me they were facing us. Ven was blushing slightly as the man held his hand. Nobody knew who he was since he had his hood on.

"Ventus, I want you to take off my hood," he said. Ven nodded slightly. His hands trembled as he reached for the hood.

"There's nothing to be afraid of," the man said chuckling, "You know me." Ventus flipped off the black hood to reveal…

(line)

Authors Note: Hey! So the chapters might not update every day since I write this in school and I've been stressed lately so yeah… get the picture… I mean I will update, just not everyday

I don't own Kingdom Hearts


	5. Chapter 5

"There's nothing to be afraid of," the man said chuckling, "You know me." Ventus flipped off the black hood to reveal Senior Terra Flurry! Holy Shit! Terra is the hottest boy in school! Most girls love his stunning brown hair and blue eyes yet nobody recognized him for being him.

" Speechless I see," Terra laughed as Ven's eyes widened. Then my twin looked at his knees trying to make no eye contact with the brunette.

Terra lifted Ven's chin so both blue eyes met. My twin shook slightly as Terra ran his thumb over Ven's quivering bottom lip. Terra leaned in closer and placed a gentle kiss on my brother's plump lips. Ventus slowly closed his eyes expecting the worst.

"Are you cold?" Terra asked. Ven shook his head.

"Then why are you shivering?" Terra's question rang through his head.

Ventus was scared. He was terrified of opening up to someone. When I talk to him it's like pulling teeth. Ven is afraid that if he gets close to someone, they will leave him just like mom and dad. Even though Ven trust me more than himself, he takes a while to tell me things. My twin is a sweet boy and I think Terra might help him break out of his shell. He just needs to speak up. Wow, it's like watching a movie.

"Come on, I don't bite," Terra smiled as Ven blushed.

"I-I," the blond began, "I've j-just never r-r-really been o-open with anyone." He was shaking so much that I thought he was going to pass out. Ven went back to looking at his knees while tears slid down his face. Terra lifted his chin again and brushed away the tears.

"You can be open with me," Terra said in a husky voice, "I love you." Terra leaned in and kissed my brother again, but this time the timid blond kissed back. Their arms wrapped around each other. Ven felt like he was melting in Terra's strong arms. Ventus pulled away and rested his head on the brunette's chest.

"I'm sorry, but I've only ever trusted my twin. I feel like I can't trust you," Ven said as Terra's face fell a bit hearing the boy he loves say this.

Terra began to let go of Ven until my brother snuggled himself closer to Terra. He used the brunette's chest as a pillow and closed his eyes contently.

"But I feel safe in your arms," Ven smiled. Terra squeezed him and kissed his blond head.

I looked over at my friends to see Hayner asleep, Pence is taking notes, and Olette is crying. I poked Hayner to wake him up and trying to get out without the lovebirds hearing us. The dirty blond got the message and passed it on to the other two. We slowly and quietly snuck out of the bushes and crawled away until we got out. We learned that we missed first period! We all scattered until I ran into the principal.

"Young man, where were you without a hall pass?" he asked sternly. I couldn't even speak. "You have detention after school today." He said. Shit… I nodded and ran to class.

After school I went to room 23c… the detention room. I've never got detention but I came prepared with my sketchbook that I always have in my backpack and my colored pencils.

I sat in the back corner and opened my sketchbook. The teacher was atop his thrown (aka his black swivel chair). My eyes were glues to my book as I began to sketch Ventus smiling like I saw him today.

"Hey Roxy," I heard the tall red head say as he sat next to me.

"Hey," I replied more focused on my picture.

"Wow, you're a great artist," Axel smiled. I nodded as I continued to sketch.

"Sit down kids," the teacher said, "No talking or getting up. I'll be gone but I trust you."

Oh god… I'm in a room with a bunch of idiots… and Axel who's asleep.

"Hey Roxas… miss me?" Seifer lifted my chin, "Babe, come back to me. I'll change for you."

Suddenly Axel pulled me out of my chair and into his lap. He held me tightly against his chest and growled at Seifer. I heard Seifer say something like 'Roxas you whore' then walk away. It isn't a total lie… Axel still held me close. He pulled all of my stuff over on his desk and let me continue drawing. He rested his head on my head and massaged my shoulders. Why was he pampering me so much? Am I really that special? Whatever, I started to get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside, like my ice heart was melting… again. "Why did you help me?" I asked.

"Because I like you. We're friends now," Axel chuckled. He stuck his face in my blond hair as I finished drawing Ven then went back to drawing my mother since I never finished last night.

"Who's that?" the red head asked.

"My mom," I replied.

"She is really pretty," Axel smiled, "But I never see you with her."

"It's because she's dead," I said, "So is my dad." Axel's smile faded as he rubbed my back. I felt tears threaten to spill as Axel lifted my chin.

"I'm sorry," he said as he wiped away one of my tears, "Please stop crying."

I hate this. I hate him for making me feel this way. I feel like my heart is leaping into my throat and I can't stop shacking! He's seeing me in such a weak state and he's only provoking it. Yet being in his arms… makes me feel… feel so… I can't even explain it. He makes me feel human. I feel like, I'm wanted. God I hate him for making me feel this way. My parents, Ven, and Uncle Cloud are the only one's whomever seen me like this. I don't like it.

"Roxas, are you ok now?" Axel asked softly.

"D-don't touch me," I growled as I jumped out of his arms and sat back in my seat. Axel's hand reached out for me but never grabbed me. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Ok guys, detention is over. Get out," the teacher said as he walked back in. I scrambled all of my stuff together and dashed out of that horrible room.

Ventus was waiting for me at the entrance of the school. He was texting someone, most likely his brunette Romeo. When he noticed me he ran up to me and smiled. This smile was pure and amazing. I love me brother. He grabbed my hand and waltzed home.

"What's got you happy?" I asked.

"My secret admirer," Ven bounced in front of me, "he kissed me! God it was amazing! I can't wait for you to meet him." Ventus continued to walk next to me. "How was detention?"

"Terrible," I said, "Can I trust you with anything?"

"Of course!" Ventus yelled.

"Well, Seifer was there and he wanted me back but that red head; whose name is Axel; saved me. He was holding me and I felt… different," I said.

"Nice different or bad different?" Ven asked.

"Nice different," I replied, "But I pushed him away because of how I felt… then I started thinking of mom and dad."

"Yeah, I miss them too, but don't let them get in the way of your happiness," Ventus replied. Again with the happiness talk…

"You know their anniversary is coming up," I sighed. The anniversary of their death. We walked home in silence.

I lay down on my bed and thought of my mom and dad and Axel. Love… love… what does love mean? What is my happiness? Where are my parents? Why did they leave me? Why do I ask so many questions? All good questions and I can answer one. I ask so many questions because it'll be the eighth year anniversary of my parent's death tomorrow. I drifted off into a dreamless slumber.

(line)

Authors Note: YAY! Ok so with this story I actually know where I want to go with it so I'm happy… Please review! I love to hear what you think of my story and what I can do better with it. You guys are the best!

I don't own Kingdom Hearts


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up and I didn't have to go to school because today is Saturday. It's also the ninth anniversary of my parent's death.

I ran downstairs to see Sora on the couch with his 'silver' haired friend. I'm pretty sure that his hair is gray; but whatever.

I hid at the top of the steps and spied on them. I'm pretty good at that.

"Sora, are we just friends?" Riku asked as he flipped through the pages of his book.

"Well, we've been on some dates… I don't know… Wait, do you want us to be just friends?" Sora asked. He can be an idiot sometimes.

"Not really," Riku said slyly as he closed his book, "I really like you Sora."

Riku looked at Sora with calming teal eyes. Sora wasn't hesitant like Ven. He knew what he wanted and he was planning on getting. Right now, Sora wants a steaming plate of Riku's love and he knew how to get it.

Sora threw himself at Riku. They began to make out on the couch. I'm guessing I'll be on the steps for a while being forced to listen to the obnoxious sounds of my cousin and his new boyfriend making love on the couch. Kill me…

Ventus began to descend down the stairs when I stopped him and sat him down next to me.

"What's going on?" Ven whispered.

"Our cousin is gettin' some," I smirked. Ven and I sat there silently listening to the sounds of our cousin or uncles… or both.

"I just remembered," Ven said, "I want you to meet my secret admirer. We're meeting in the park and he's bringing his brother with him. They won't look alike because his brother is adopted."

"When are we meeting them?" I asked.

"Today at 5," Ven smiled.

We ran upstairs to our room to get ready for the day. I'm dreading 5 o' clock right now because I don't want to hang out with Terra and his brother! Still… this means so much to Ven and I can't let him down.

5 came too quickly as we both walked to the park and waited on a bench. Ven brought bird seed since he loves to feed the birds. He threw spoon fulls of seed onto the grass and the little birds devoured it. Ven suddenly squeaked as someone put their hands over his eyes. Guess who?

"Guess who?" he whispered in my twin's ear.

"Terra?" Ven asked. The hands lifted and Terra jumped over the bench and put his muscular arm around my brother.

"Terra, I'd like you to meet my twin brother Roxas," Ventus smiled. Terra held out his hand expecting me to shake it. My pointer finger and thumb grabbed his pointer finger and shook.

"Is he ok?" I heard Terra whisper to Ven.

"Yeah, he's just a little shy," Ven whispered back.

I can hear you idiots… I grabbed some bird seed and threw it on the ground for some birds. I had a pouty look on my face. I guess I was acting a little immature. Then I saw somebody running over to us with a sweatshirt on. His hood covered his face.

"Oh, Ven, I'd like you to meet my brother," Terra said as the boy took off his hood, "Axel."

Shit…

Why does this happen to me? God, why do you hate me? Or is this the happiness that my life is revolving around now?

"Oh hey Roxas!" Axel smiled at me. He reached out to grab my shoulder but I jolted away. "So, what are we going to do today?" he asked.

"I thought we could just hangout," Terra said, then he whispered to Ven, "Maybe is we leave Axel and Roxas alone they'll be together. And we'll have more alone time." Ventus giggled at the idea.

"Let's walk around the woods, it'll be peaceful," Axel smiled.

Oh boy…

"Great idea!" Terra smiled. And with that, we were off.

(line)

Authors Note: I'm sorry this chapter is so short! I had writers block for a while then I was studying for my Permit Test all fucking week (I failed by one point!). and I've been studying for Spanish and chemistry. This week has been very hectic for me! I'd love some reviews and I want to tell you the plot:

Roxas wants to find his so called happiness and that's what he's going to look for during the whole story so that's what it revolves around.

Also this story won't have a sad ending like my other stories. I only write this in school so that's another reason that it will take a while! But thank you for bearing with me!

I don't own Kingdom Hearts


	7. Chapter 7

The walk was ok. I mean it was peaceful, if you count Terra's life story. I love Ven, but Terra is just beginning to piss me off.

"So then my parents went to the orphanage and found Axel and we adopted him," Terra smiled, "But the best part was when I met Ventus, he made me smile every time I see him." Ven blush and I almost puked.

"Ven, how did you move here?" Axel asked.

"I-I'd rather not say," Ventus sighed as he snuggled closer to Terra remembering the past.

"Our parents died," I piped up, "They were killed in a car crash when we were seven. Cloud and Leon took us in since our other relative never liked us."

"Well they are stupid to hate you, Ven," Terra smiled as he placed a small kiss on the boy's cheek.

Jealousy coursed through my veins. I have no idea why, it's just Ventus is the center of attention and I am used to it, but this just made me upset for some reason. Ven and I are twins so we used to get the same treatment when we were little. Until I went mental when I moved here, we were both treated the same. Then Ven started getting more attention because he never spoke and everyone wanted to hear his sweet voice.

The boys walked us home and Terra kissed Ven as they left.

"Hey Ven, I'm going to take a trip to the cemetery," I said. Our parents were buried here.

I walked to the flower store to buy their favorite flowers, lily. My mother loved those flowers. She used to grow them in a garden and put some on my hair and make a crown for me and Ven. We would parade around the house as twin Princes of the garden! I miss those days.

I went to the cemetery to their grave's. I knelt down and placed the flowers there. Then I pressed my warm lips against the cold stone of the grave stones.

"Mom, I survived another day. I kept my promise to take care of Ventus. Mom, would you be mad at me if I died? I mean I want to see you, but I'm afraid of my sins. What if I go to hell? Mommy, you wouldn't let that happen to me, right? Well I am a dirty slut, but I am still your son. Dad, you better be taking care of mom in heaven. Watch over Ventus and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. I'm giving up. I'll turn into a shell of who I was since my happiness is nowhere to be found. Mom, if you know my happiness, show me a sign. Give me something to hold onto or else I might just give up. Mom, Dad, I love you and miss you. Please keep taking care of us," I said as I began to cry slightly, "Oh and help Uncle Cloud and Leon. And Sora. I love you."

"Roxas?" I jumped and spun around to see a tall red head that I thought I ditched earlier, "Are you ok?"

"I-I-I'm fine!" I yelled as I wiped away my tears. I clenched my fists at my side as a heavy blush spread across my cheeks.

"Really, it looked like you were crying," Axel said as he tried to walk closer to me but I backed up.

"Well we are in a cemetery," I said.

"I heard your speech," Axel said, I tried to run but Axel grabbed my hand and spun me around, "You can't give up."

"and why not?!" I yelled as I struggled but Axel held me closer.

"Because you are too important to me," Axel said, "I love you."

Axel kissed my cheek and sparks rushed through my body, then my neck and he continued to kiss my shoulder and roll my shirt down my shoulder a little so he could kiss my skin. Images of Seifer came back as his actions made me look like a mess.

"Please stop!" I yelled, "Don't touch me." I pushed him away and held onto my mother's grave stone.

The red head picked up one of the flowers and twirled it in his fingers. "I love lilies," Axel said as he placed it in my hair and left. Mom, if this is some kind of sick joke please stop. If this is my happiness please show me a bigger sign. Axel just wants me for sex, I can feel it already, but if he really loves me I might give him a chance. Most just want me for sex or power. I'm nothing.

"Mom, please help me," I began to cry again, "Dad make it stop."

I sulked home and slammed the door shut.

"Honey what happened?" Cloud asked as I pushed through him and Sora.

I dashed upstairs to my room and grabbed my book Gone With The Wind  and pressed the flower in it that Axel put in my hair. My heart began to pound as I banged my head against the wall. My hands wrapped around my neck and squeezed it slightly. Sora ran in and pulled me to my bed and ripped my hands away from my neck.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"No I'm not ok!" I yelled.

"What's wrong?" the brunette asked as he sat down next to me.

"Axel said that he loved me and began to kiss me and it felt just like Seifer. I thought he was going to take me in front of Mom and Dad. I don't want to be hurt again. I want love, I want my happiness," I said, "I want what you, Ven, and Uncle Cloud and Leon have. I want someone to love me."

"But Rox, we do love you," he pulled me into a loving warm hug.

"Not that kind of love, I mean a happiness that can fill this empty void in my heart," I said, "I'm sorry I'm spilling my guts to you."

"Haha, its ok," Sora smiled, "That's what family is for."

That night all I could think about was Axel. His silk hair that matched his voice. His beautiful eyes but how he handled me reminded me of Seifer. I can't get hurt. I won't get hurt. I drifted off into a slumber.

_Dream_

_Axel held me close to him as we sat on our porch. His soft lips pressed against mine as I his hands slipped beneath my shirt. I giggled slightly as he tickled over my stomach slightly. The red head pulled me onto his lap as I straddled him slightly._

"_Dad!" I heard one of our kids that we adopted yell. They look like us, and we adopted them as babies and they love us._

"_What Alex?" I yelled back._

"_Roxel took my toy!" he complained as he crossed his chubby arms. _

_I chuckled slightly as I hopped off of Axel and lifted up one of my sons. Our foreheads touched and I smiled. He giggled and dropped the toy. I love my baby boy. My little girl sauntered over to Axel and took my place on his lap, only she made him play dolls with her while I played with the twins._

_At the end of the day, Axel cuddled with me in out King sized bed with plush blue sheets and a checkered comforter. The red head pulled me close to him. I rested my head on his nude chest and listened to his steady heartbeat._

"_I love you Roxas," Axel whispered, "You are my happiness."_

"_You are my everything Axel," I smiled as I looked up and kissed him. I looked out the window and my mother winked at me._

_Dream over_

I jumped out of bed in a cold sweat. Mom, what are you trying to tell me? Is Axel my happiness? Will he hurt me? I can't risk it, maybe I'll give him a chance.

The next day in school I marched up to Axel and pulled him outside.

"Um Roxas…" he started.

"One date!" I yelled, "I'll give you one date and if it goes well I'll trust you and if you hurt me I can't trust you."

"But Roxas, I'll never hurt you," Axel whispered in my ear, "I'll meet you at the ice cream shop after school. I'll buy."

"See you then," what the fuck have I gotten myself into?!

(Line)

Authors Note: Hey guys sorry it's been a while! I've been caught up with stuff but I'm back! Leave a review please but no flames.


	8. Chapter 8

"I hope afterschool will never come," I groaned as I slumped in my desk in study hall.

"Why? You have a date!" my twin smiled.

"What if he'll… hurt me like Seifer did," I asked as chewed on my eraser.

"He won't hurt you," Ventus smiled as he pulled the pencil out of my mouth and continued to write his essay for English.

"Plus, if he hurts you, I'll kick his butt!" Sora cheered as he jumped out of his seat.

"Sora!" Ven and I laughed. I faked it.

They are sweet, but I'm scared. I can't let him inside me… and inside my head. Haha see what I did there? Never mind, I'm not in a joke-like mood. I have to be strong, or maybe just give up and go home. GOD STOP IT!

I grabbed my sketchpad and flipped it to a clean sheet of paper.

"Hold still," I said to my twin.

"Why?"

"Because I'm drawing you," I replied, "Now stay still!"

My pencil flew across my paper with feather like scratches. My brother just smiled as he looked at his essay.

If anything ever happened to Ventus, I might just kill myself. It's my job on this earth to protect my twin and when the day comes when he will go off on his own, I will find a meaning to my life. Ventus is my happiness… right? Ugh, this happiness thing is so irritating?!

After school came and I began to walk home until a boney hand landed on my thin shoulder.

"Where do you think you're going?" It was Axel… Shit…

"I'm going home," I said bluntly as I tried to escape.

"Aren't you forgetting about our date?" he asked with a slight grin.

"Oh… that…" I sighed and laughed slightly.

The tall red head dragged me into town as he grabbed my hand gently, not even intertwining our finger. He was being so tender with me. I wanted him to hold me and maybe even use me… It'll eventually happen with my luck.

He took me to my favorite ice cream shop and sat us down at the outside tables. Their metal hurt my butt, but I can deal with it. It was also a little cold so I shivered slightly as the breeze blew.

"Are you cold?" Axel asked.

"N-No," I said.

"You're a terrible liar," the red head said as he wrapped his jacket around me. I felt heat accumulation in my cheeks.

"You're so cute!" he smiled as he kissed my temple softly making my face look red as a tomato. He sat down at his seat.

"Will there be anything for you two?" the waitress walked over to us.

"Yes, two sea salt ice creams please," Axel order. She smiled and left.

"H-How did you know that sea salt is my favorite?" I asked.

"Because it's my favorite, I just guessed," he smiled, "Now Roxas is there anything you want to talk about?"

"Nothing comes to mind," I lied. I wanted to spill my guts to him. I wanted to tell him all about my life and how I feel like a dirty slut, but it's not the right moment.

"So you're in a gang?" he asked.

"It kind of disbanded after I broke up with Seifer, but we're still friends,"

"You and Seifer?"

"No! My gang and I, we've been friends since I moved here."

"Oh." Axel said, "Where did you used to live?"

"Destiny Islands, it was beautiful and I loved it there, but we had to move," I replied.

"Why did you move? Because of your parents? What happened to them?" Axel asked me.

"I don't feel comfortable answering that," I said as I wrapped his jacket around me tighter.

"You can tell me anything. You're safe with me," Axel said as he intertwined our fingers over the table. He pulled me closer over the table and leaned in. His lips brushed mine until I yanked away. Sparks still on my lips as his electricity still coursed through me making me shaky.

"Please, I can't," I said, "You're sweet, but I need to take this slow."

"I understand," he smiled as he let go of my hand when the ice cream arrived.

I stared at him. His eyes are so gentle and caring. He doesn't want to hurt me. He really likes me. Maybe I am something, maybe I am! Someone might actually love me… Or he could be putting on an act. Anything is possible in my life.

Axel paid for our ice cream and we left, he brought me to the beach and we sat on a bench watching the sun set.

"Hey Roxas, do you know why the sun set's red?" he asked.

"No," I said.

"You see, light is made up of lots of colors and out of all those colors red is the one that travels the farthest," Axel smiled as he looked into my eyes.

I began to lose control of my body and I gently pressed my lips on his to feel those wonderful sparks. My hands played with his red head as his arms snaked around my waist and pulled me closer. I pulled away to catch my breath and he kissed me again. It was the most intense thing I've ever felt! Axel's hands rubbed my back soothingly. It feels so right, this feels so nice.

"I can't," I said as I broke away and untangled myself, "I'm sorry."

Axel kissed me again, "You don't seem sorry."

My phone began to buzz.

"Hello?" I asked.

'_R-Roxas?' _it was Ven

"Ven, are you ok?" I asked.

'_N-no, please come get me, I'm in your alley. Help me,' _he said in a raspy voice.

"I'm on my way," I said urgently as I hung up, "I'm sorry Axel, I have to go."

"I'll go with you," he said.

I ran in the direction of my alley. I stopped dead in my tracks to see blood, droplets of blood leading there. Tears slipped from my eyes as Axel tried to hold my hand but I shook him off and continued in the direction of my alley until I got there.

S-Seifer… on my brother… my naked brother, all bloody and bruised… NO!

(line)

Ok, there, I'm done with another chapter.

Reviews are my friends please! No Flames!


	9. Chapter 9

NO!

"Hey Roxy, like what I did with your brother?" Seifer smirked and Ven groaned, "Shut up slut!" My ex punched my twin in the back and he screamed.

My entire being trembled as Seifer zipped up his pants and walked up to me. Axel held me protectively to his chest. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, I can't speak. Ven… No… Not him… Please let this be a dream… Please… Mom why?

I pushed past Seifer and held my brother. His eyes were barely open and his face stained with tears and blood. I pulled him close to my chest and kissed his forehead. I pulled out my phone and dialed 9-1-1.

'_Hello, what is your emergency?'_ someone said.

"My brother is really hurt," I said.

'_Where are you?'_

"West Road in the back alley," I said, "Hurry."

Seifer realized that I called 911 and he ran. Axel knelt down by me and hugged me gently.

"Please leave us Axel," I said.

"But-"

"GO AWAY!" I screamed with tears pouring out of my eyes. Axel stayed but he backed away a bit giving me space.

I looked back to Ven and he groaned trying to move. "Don't move, please," I said.

"I… scared…" he said in a raspy broken voice.

"Shhh," I hushed him as I stroked his cheek, "You'll be ok, I promise."

"Hurt," he whispered.

"Just go to sleep, you won't feel the pain," I said in a gently voice.

The ambulance finally came with police. The put Ven on a stretcher and rushed him in the ambulance. The police offered Axel and me a ride to the hospital and we accepted. I called Cloud, Leon, and Sora to come.

"Axel," I said.

"Hm," he replied.

"Call Terra and tell him that Ven is in the hospital and he needs to get here now," I said as we got there.

Axel and I waited in the waiting room. He tried to hold my hand but I pulled it away from him.

"Axel, there's something I should tell you," I said. What are you doing Roxas, stop! Stop before you regret it!

"What?" he asked as he turned to me.

"Well, I want to tell you about my life before you get in a relationship with me. I'm pretty sure you'll hate me, I know I do. Anyway, my parents died when Ven and I were seven and we moved here. Then," I gulped, "when I was 10 I got raped. Then when I was 13 I sold my body, well tried. Anyway, I cut my wrists and everything. Then I got with Seifer and I became his personal toy. I was willing to do anything. Then he rapped me a while ago."

"What are you trying to say?" the red head asked.

"I'm a slut Axel," I said, "I'm a dirty good for nothing slut! I have been violated in ways you can't even imagine. I'm not even a pretty slut. My uncle talked about a happiness but I see that I'll never have one. I'm sorry Axel, I probably disgust you now, just leave me alone." I turned around to not face him as I cried yet again.

I expected him to slap me and leave, but what I got was a kiss on the cheek. He pulled me into his lap and held me. His warmth melted this ice deep in me. His hands slid down my arms to my hands and he grabbed them. His chin rested on my shoulder as he let go of one of my hands and caressed my cheek.

"I don't care if you've slept with a thousand guys. I don't care if you've had the ugliest face in the world. I don't care if you cry once in a while," he said wiping away my tears, "You're beautiful Roxas, I love you."

I gasped I tried to squirm out of his grasp but he held me tightly.

"I don't want to get hurt again!" I yelled, "I'm done with being hurt. I'm done with all these tragedies!"

"I won't hurt you Roxas," the sexy red head smirked as he placed a small kiss on my neck sending electricity through my veins.

Tears continued to roll down my cheeks until I relaxed in his lap. I curled up on him and rested my head on his chest. His strong arms wrapped around me and I melted in his arms. Axel stroked my blond hair. He ran his fingers through the spikes.

"Don't let me go," I whispered.

Cloud, Leon, Terra, and Sora finally arrived, all out of breath. They ran towards us and formed a mob, like an angry mob.

"Where's Ven?" Terra asked.

"Is he ok?" Cloud asked next.

"What happened?!" Sora yelled.

The doctor walked into the waiting room. "Roxas?" he said. I untangled myself from Axel and I walked over to him. "Your brother will be fine, follow me and I'll tell you what's wrong," he said, "Bring your family."

"Ok, so he has a sprained wrist, many bruises and a few cuts that needed stitches. I also tested him for rape and he is positive," the doctor said, "but he'll be fine."

I walked over to my sleeping brother and held his hand.

"I let you down Ven," I said, "I'm sorry."

Axel told everyone else in the room what we saw that happened to Ven. I didn't leave his side.

Ven began to wake up and the whole room went dead silent except for the heart monitor attached to my twin. My poor twin. It should have been me, not him. I let you down Mom, I'm sorry. I guess you will send me to hell when I die because I'm a reject that couldn't even save his own twin brother.

"Ven! Are you ok?" I asked. He just looked at me and shook his head and looked as his legs.

"No… No Ven please don't do this to me!" I said, "I need you! Don't leave me like Mom and Dad."

He looked back at me and weakly stroked my cheek and smiled.

"I'm so sorry," I cried as I gently hugged him.

"It's not your fault Roxas, don't blame yourself," Uncle Cloud said.

"But it is my fault," I said looking at my blond uncle. Ven turned my head back to him and he shook his head. "But Ven, Seifer did this to get back at me, it's all my fault," I said. Ven pressed his forehead against mine.

"It's never your fault Roxas, I love you too much to put the blame on you," he whispered since that's as loud as he could speak. He probably lost his voice from screaming… I'd know.

That night I slept in the chair next to Ven on Axel's lap. Terra was in bed with Ven. The two were cuddled together and Terra help sooth Ven when he woke up screaming a raspy scream from a nightmare of Seifer attacking him again.

No matter what Ven says, it's my entire fault. I should be dead for hurting my twin. I'm pathetic. I went into the bathroom and searched for something sharp, anything. In one of the cabinets I found a safety pin. It isn't so safe how I'm about to use it. I stuck my arm with it and began to draw down until Axel walked in. He took the pin out and slapped me.

"Don't do that to yourself!" he yelled in a hushed tone.

"Why? I have nothing, it's all my fault," I said.

"Stop saying that," he hissed, "Roxas, it's Seifer's fault this happened. And you do have something!"

"What?"

There was a pause as he pinned me against the wall.

"Me…" Axel smiled, "You don't have to trust me now, I'll give you time, but when you're ready to kiss and stuff I'll be here."

I slammed my lips on his. The room began to heat up as his tongue slid into my mouth. His hands slid up the back of my shirt and memories of Seifer flooded back again and I pushed him away.

"Please, not now, I can't," I said.

"That's ok," Axel smiled.

I stayed in the hospital a whole week with Ven. He was released after that and we went home. Sora, Ven, and I sat on our beds in our room just sitting and talking.

"Ven, what really happened?" I asked.

"Well," he said, "Seifer pulled me aside as asked about you because he wanted to... to rape you again and hurt you. I told him to fuck off and he tackled me to the ground and took out a knife. He said that I'd be a good replacement and it's all your fault that he's doing this. Then he did what he did."

"Oh," I sighed.

"But it's not your fault Roxas," Sora said.

"Roxas, haven't you found your happiness yet? It's Axel right?" Ven smiled.

"Well, something is holding me back. I can't trust him yet. I just don't feel right," I replied,

"Don't worry, you'll trust him soon," Ven said.

I can't be with Axel. He distracted me and Ven got hurt. I can't let that happen again. I have to break it off with him, I can't. Mom, if Axel is my happiness, I'll never be happy.

I told Axel to meet me on the beach. I waited for him there, picking at the scab on my arm from the pin. I want to feel that pain because no matter how many times they tell me it isn't my fault it is. I'm also saving Axel from being with a dirty ugly slut like me.

"Hey Roxas," he smiled as he tried to lean in for a kiss.

"No, Axel I can't," I said.

"Why? I love you?" he smiled.

"B-but I don't love you," lies, why am I doing this, "Axel I never want to see you again." I choked back tears as I ran away. He didn't even run after me, so it's finally over.

An empty feeling filled my body as I stopped in my alley and slid down one of the corners on the brick wall. I cried like a newborn baby. I'll never be happy. I'm just a waste of space. It's best if I leave everyone alone. It's all my fault… Mom, Dad, what am I? Where are you now? I need you.

"Roxas?" I looked up to see my brunette friend, "Is everything ok?" I shook my head.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked again. I shook my head.

When I got home I took a kitchen knife and locked myself in the bathroom. I took my sketch pad and opened to a page where I sketch myself. I ran the cold blade over the underside of my wrist and let the blood come out. I let the crimson red drip onto the sketch along with some tears. Then I put the knife to my heart. My hand shook as I was ready to stab myself, but something held me back. Images of Ventus filled my head and I dropped the knife.

So I'm stuck in a world that I hate but I can't leave.

"Roxas, someone's at the door," Uncle Leon yelled.

I quickly wrapped something around my arm and I ran to the door.

"Roxas," it was Axel, "I can't not be with you. I love you."

"But I don't love you," I said.

"That's a lie!" he yelled quickly. I know Ven and Sora are spying on us… it's like what I do with everyone else.

"Roxas, I want to help you," Axel said.

"Ok, then help me get better. Rehabilitate me," I said.

"Good, starting tomorrow I'll help you trust me, and not cut yourself, and convince you that you are an amazing person," Axel smiled, "Can I kiss you?"

"No," I said, "and ok, you can help me, but I can't promise results."

Well, I'm in deep shit now…

(line)

I think I'm going to end the story soon, maybe two more chapters or three and it'll be over.

Please leave a review, no flames. I love reviews, I want to know what you guys think.


	10. Chapter 10

_Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring._

"ROXAS, PICK UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE!" ah the lovely Sora screaming at me to pick up my phone at 9 am on a Saturday.

I reached over on the head of my bed and picked up my phone. My covers slipped from my shoulders to my waist revealing my slightly scarred chest.

"Hello?" I asked drowsily.

'_Hey Roxas, are you ready for me to help you?'_ it was Axel.

"No," I said and yawned.

'_come on Rox, you got to get help,' _he said so awake.

"Axel, I was asleep, let me sleep," I groaned.

'_Ok, but meet me at the ice cream shop at 11,'_ he said.

"Ok," I replied.

'_I love you,' _his voice was like silk.

"I… uh… ok, bye!" I ended the call quickly and tried to fall back asleep, but ended up looking at the drawing of myself with the blood.

In this drawing, I was crying. I put blood on it to make cuts and show I was crying blood. Painful blood. My wrist throbs thinking of yesterday…

I went to the bathroom and found the knife I hid. I made a slight gash on the underside of my wrist and let the blood seep into the sink. I slit my wrist again letting all my pains seep out. It just felt right… I don't know… I still blame myself for Ven's rape. He's doing better now. He'll wake up screaming sometimes, but Sora and I calm him down.

_Last night_

"_PLEASE STOP! HELP ME! SOMEONE!" my twin began to scream. I jumped out of bed (more like fell) and threw a shoe at Sora to wake him up. Ven was screaming bloody murder._

_I climbed up to him bed and so did Sora. We shook him awake. Ven looked at me with tears in his eyes and he collapsed in my arms crying. Sora hugged him from behind._

"_Why won't it stop?" he cried._

"_Ven," I breathed._

"_Roxas, make it stop! Make these dreams stop!" he cried._

"_I'm sorry, I can't. I remember I had those dreams too. They eventually go away," I said as Cloud and Leon burst through the door._

"_Are you three ok?" Leon asked._

"_Yeah, Ven just had a bad dream," I said then turned to Ven, "just go back to sleep. Remember that Sora and I are here to protect you." _

_Flashback over_

I looked at my phone and it was 11. I was at the ice cream shop waiting for Axel. Ugh, he's late… whatever, at least I have my sketch pad with me and a pencil… and a table.

So I began to sketch Axel again. It's hard to get his features right, but he's a good muse. I love it. My pencil flew across the paper.

"Cute," Axel said. I almost screamed. I slammed my book shut.

"So!" I blushed, "How are you going to help me?"

"Give me your wrists," he said and I shook my head, "Just do it."

I held it out and he rolled up my sleeve and I had my bandages on it. The red head sighed. He kissed my wrist then he took out a marker and he drew a smile on my wrist. I yanked my hand back.

"Why did you draw a smile?" I asked.

"So when you look to cut you'll see that and it'll remind you to stop!" Axel smiled. I blushed as I looked down at the smile.

"That's the first step," I looked up at Axel as he spoke, "Since we have break, I want you to stay at my house for one night, I want to teach you to trust people."

"N-No way!" I yelled, "I don't want to stay at your house! I don't trust…" I trailed off just proving Axel's theory of I need to trust people and staying at his house will help. I crossed my arms over my chest.

"You look so cute when you are embarrassed," he smiled.

"S-Shut up!" I blushed till my face was the color of Axel's hair. He reached over the tabled and caressed my cheek calming me down a little. Wait, he's calming me down?!

"Come on, it'll be fun," Axel smiled, "and I get to spend time with my wonderful boyfriend."

"W-who's your boyfriend?" I asked as my heart sank. I thought he loved me, so he has another boyfriend. Axel walked over to me and kissed me.

"It's you," he smiled against my lips.

Part of me says 'GET THE FUCK OUT' while another part says 'KISS HIM BACK YOU IDIOT'. I just froze. Axel began to pull away when I kissed him… more like smashed my lips against his soft ones. My hands tangled with the red hair. Ah… his lips taste so good! I pull him closer to me using his hair. A new feeling entered me as it made me want him and only him. I think I'm in love…

"Wow Rox," he smiled. I smiled back, a fake one, but some felt real.

So after we shared an ice cream Axel and I went to my house to see if I could stay his house tomorrow. I'm wondering how Ven is doing.

On our walk home I slipped my hand into the slightly bigger one. Our fingers intertwined.

"So Roxas, this will be the first time I'll actually be introduced to your family," the red head smiled. I nodded as we approached the door.

When we walked in the house to see Sora in his boxers with a blanket tied around his neck and Ven lying on the couch with a comic book while Uncle Leon and Cloud were making out in the kitchen… I leave the house for a half an hour and this happens… good GOD.

"Um… Axel I'm sorry, it's not usually like this," I said. Sora sat on Ven making him groan with displeasure and try to push the brunette off of him.

"Get off you moron!" Ven yelled in a raspy voice since his voice still isn't completely healed after the incident. The poor thing.

"But I'm boxer man," Sora smiled.

Do they really not notice me…

Ok I finally stepped more in when I heard Cloud moan a bit.

"Hey!" I yelled making everyone stop and look at me, "this is Axel, and I'm formally introducing him."

"Yup, I'm Roxy's boyfriend," the red head smirked. I blushed a bit and Axel noticed. He kissed my cheek making me blush more and he laughed.

"S-so I was wondering if I could stay over at his house tomorrow," I asked.

"Sure Rox," Cloud said as he walked towards me. His new hickey was very noticeable and it took everything in me not to laugh at it.

Ven put the comic book over his face and groaned again. I walked over to him and sat on the couch on the edge near his head. Funny how this is how this started… partly.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Sora is hurting me," he said. I pushed my cousin off of my twin and the brunette shoved me. I shoved him back and he knows not to pick a fight with me. The last time he tried he ended up with a swollen lip, a black eye, and a broken nose. I was an evil 9 year old.

I guess Ven is still broken from his attack. I'm stronger… ok that's a lie, I'm probably strong on the outside but emotionally I'm weak.

"Ok crap is it that time already?" Axel said looking at his phone, "I have to go home." He ran over to me and kissed my lips sweetly. "I'll come and pick you up tomorrow at noon so have your stuff ready," he smiled and so did I.

"Ok," I whispered as I quickly kissed his lips and he left. Everyone was giving me googly eyes.

"What?" I asked putting my hands on my hips.

"Oh Sora, I think our little Roxy is in love," Ven smirked.

"I-I am not!" I protested with my face as red as a tomato, "I have to pack my stuff for tomorrow."

I ran upstairs and shoved clothes and stuff into a duffle bag. I took a deep breath as I dread tomorrow.

"Rox," Ventus walked upstairs, "You know you can tell me anything."

"I know," I replied as I sat on my bed. Ven sat next to me.

"You love him don't you?" he said.

"Y-yes… maybe… I-I don't know," I pulled my knees close to my chest.

"How does he make you feel?"

"Well," I started, "When I'm with him I feel this warm fuzzy feeling inside. I feel like I'm safe in his arms. I want him to hold me. He accepts me and he really cares about me. When I kiss him, I feel electricity running through my veins."

"You love him," Ventus smiled. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead.

"Rox, I want to be the big brother for once," he smiled, "I want you to be happy, and I'm inviting Terra to stay over so you and your red headed cupid could have some alone time." He winked. I blushed a bit. We went to bed.

So noon came by quickly. I was sketching Axel and me kissing. I had a light content smile on my face. I was laying on the couch with Ven massaging my feet… no idea why… The doorbell rang and Axel walked in.

"Ready to go?" he smiled. I closed my sketch book and nodded. Terra appeared behind him and scooped Ven into his arms and planted kisses all over his face.

"How are you feeling?" the brunette asked as he sat on the couch with Ven in his lap.

"I'm better," he smiled. My twin flashed me a look like 'Go and be with your man!' so I took that advice.

Axel and I went to his house. His house was so cute!

"Hey Axel," a woman smiled, "Is this _him_?"

"Yup, cute isn't he?" Axel's thumb ran over my cheek a bit. The woman smiled.

"Well I'm Aerith, Axel's mom, but you can call me mom," she smiled.

Axel pulled up stairs and to the spacey attic which was a cool loft space for him. Axel pulled me on his bed and we lay there. I felt a little nervous. I mean I'm alone on a bed with a boy… I'm scared.

"Roxas, are you ok?" he sat up.

"Yeah, I'm just nervous," I said looking at my knees when I sat up.

"Well I love you so don't be," Axel pressed his sweet lips against mine softly, "Would it make you feel better if I told you about my past? Maybe you can trust me better."

"Ok."

"So my mom died when I was born, she died giving birth to me. Then my dad went through a depression. He would never talk to me or look at me. I grew in isolation until I was five. When I was five my dad killed himself in front of me saying it's my fault that my parents are dead." Axel said, "So I went to an orphanage and then I ended up here. Now I'm with the love of my life."

Axel leaned in to kiss me, and I allowed it.

That night I trusted him with everything, my heart, my happiness, and my body. Axel and I had sex and I actually felt loved, it felt nice… I never knew something that caused me such great pain would lead me to my true love.

"Axel, I love you," I whispered in his ear as we embraced cozy under the warm covers.

"I love you too," he smiled as he kissed my sweaty forehead.

Oh mom, I'm in love! I can trust… I feel, so… happy…

Q: Is Axel my happiness?

A: Yes he is

(Line)

Authors Note: SOOOOO IT'S DONEEEEEEEE! Well I'm making ONE MORE chapter about them ten years later but that's it. I'm sorry I didn't know how to end it! I ended it like this.

SO YEA!


	11. Ten years later

*Ten years later*

So five years ago my red head proposed to me. It was the best day of my life. I finally got my life back. I am officially Roxas Flurry. I took Axel's last name because mine makes me sound terrible.

Now, I have everything. I have a family, a house, and a wonderful husband. I know my parents are looking at me and smiling at the best thing that could ever happened to me, children. Four years ago, Axel and I adopted twin boys and a little girl. Everything is perfect! I can almost hear mom say 'I'm so proud of you, Roxas.'

"Morning," Axel smiled as I woke up in Axel and my bed again. Our bed was a Queen bed that molded to our body shape so it's pretty damn comfortable. Sometimes I never want to get out of bed, but I know I have to.

"Mornin'," I smiled back sleepily. I lazily kissed the lips in front of me. I heard of chorus of 'Ooh's' outside my bedroom. My children were out there laughing about Axel and me kissing.

"Oh so you think it's funny," I sighed as I got out of bed, "How about I kiss you?"

I chased them downstairs where I grabbed the younger twin, Roxel, and kissed every inch of his face. He squirmed to get out of my grasp. The other two ran to their seats at the table. I let go of Roxel and he took his seat. I crossed my arms over my chest with a content smirk on my lips.

"Who did you get today?" Axel asked. I usually chase the kids downstairs. It's a game for them.

"Roxel," I smiled, "I'm going to go get dressed, can you make breakfast today?"

"Sure honey," Axel kissed my cheek and I ran upstairs.

I looked in the mirror. Ten years ago I would see a slut with nothing to live for. Now I see a beautiful blond boy with faint scars on his body. I seem human now. I can live with myself. It's a nice feeling…

I threw on my black hoodie and black skinny jeans since my work consists of being home. I'm an artist. I take after my mom with that.

Ring, ring, ring, ring. I grabbed the phone and pressed the green 'talk' button.

"Hello, Flurry residence, Roxas Flurry speaking," I answered.

"_Roxas! Hey!_" the voice of my twin brother came from the other end.

"Hey Ven, what's up?" I asked as I began to make the bed.

"_Nothing much, I just wanted to check up on my dear twin brother, and I wanted to say that I adopted a little boy!"_ Ven almost yelled.

"Congratulations, what's his name?" I asked.

"_Shadow_," Ventus replied, "_He's only a baby."_

"Yup, I have to visit sometime to see my new nephew," I smiled, "Well, breakfast is almost ready, I have to go."

"_Ok, bye Roxy_!" Ventus hung up.

I ran downstairs and took my seat next to my red head. He made pancakes. The best! Axel is a chef, so he makes the best food.

"Daddy," Roxel said with syrup all over his face, "I all sticky!"

"I'll give you a bath soon, finish your breakfast, and maybe try using a fork," I laughed a bit.

Life couldn't be more perfect.

Later, I walk into the rec room and sat down at a stool. Did I mention that I live in my old house, where I lived up until I was 7? Well it was either Ven's or mine and Ven gave it to me so I keep it.

"Oh Roxas," it was Mary, my mom's old friend, "You've grown so much honey."

"Mary, I saw you last week," I laughed a bit.

"You look so much like your mother," she smiled, "And you have your father's body structure."

"Thanks," I smiled at her as I painted.

I usually paint sunsets or pictures of people, like Axel or my kids. Not my mom anymore, I'm beginning to forget what she looks like. I can't get her personality anymore. I guess it's a sign or something.

That evening we were all outside the house.

Axel held me close to him as we sat on our porch. His soft lips pressed against mine as I his hands slipped beneath my shirt. I giggled slightly as he tickled over my stomach slightly. The red head pulled me onto his lap as I straddled him slightly.

"Dad!" I heard one of our kids that we adopted yell. They look like us, and we adopted them as babies and they love us.

"What Alex?" I yelled back.

"Roxel took my toy!" Alex complained as he crossed his chubby arms.

I chuckled slightly as I hopped off of Axel and lifted up Roxel. Our foreheads touched and I smiled. He giggled and dropped the toy. I love my baby boy. My little girl, Lexa, sauntered over to Axel and took my place on his lap, only she made him play dolls with her while I played with the twins.

At the end of the day, Axel cuddled with me in out Queen sized bed with plush blue sheets and a checkered comforter. The red head pulled me close to him. I rested my head on his nude chest and listened to his steady heartbeat.

"I love you Roxas," Axel whispered, "You are my happiness."

"You are my everything Axel," I smiled as I looked up and kissed him. I looked out the window and drifted off to sleep.

(line)

Authors Note: DONE FOREVER WITH THIS STORY! I'm sorry I lost Ventus a bit, I started pairing him with Vanitas more than Terra and it was just annoying to change stuff…

So what do you think of this story? Leave a review and tell me.

I'm thinking of making a new story with Ventus and Vanitas, but I don't know. I need inspiration to hit first.


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